heroes never die...

There is no easy way to start this new message. For those who have known me for any of the last 6 years you know who Bill is and how important he's been in my life. He has a very special place in my heart and he makes my soul shine bright rays of beautiful light. He's been a constant inspiration and stronghold through out college and my real world life. He's been my number one fan even in the midst of our troubled times. He traveled to College Station in May just to see me on my graduation day, he was so proud of me.

On Thursday after all Thanksgiving festivities were over, I received a phone call from my mom. I could tell from the 4 missed calls that something was not right and the sound of her voice proved me right.

Sarah: "Mom, what's a matter?"
Mom: "Where are you? Are you still with Kyle?"
"Ya mom, why what's up? What's a matter?"
"Give Kyle the phone and then tell him to give it back to you right after I talk to him."
"No mom he's driving, what's the matter? Please tell me."
"It's Bill." (my world came CRASHING DOWN all around me, words can't explain the sinking feeling that surged thought my body) she continued...."He died in Iraq."
"What!!!??? You're kidding right?!?! Please tell me you are kidding!" (I start to laugh but not a happy laugh the type of uncomfortable laugh you feel before you cry harder than you ever cried before in your life)
"Sarah, I'm not. (We are both crying) I just talked to Mr. Meewusen."
"How? What? NO! You're kidding Mom, please tell my you are kidding."
"I'm not kidding Sarah. I'm so sorry."

That might not be word for word, but it was the gist of it all. I am shaking as I write this story. It's one of those conversation's you will never forget. EVER.

She got the call from Bill's dad....

Mike Meeuwsen: "Is this Sarah's mom?"
Mom: "Yes it is."
"This is Mike Meeuwsen."
"No."

My mom just knew from the sound of his voice the message she was about to receive... a message that she knew her daughter would never want to hear...a message she had to give me when I was in Florida on Thanksgiving away from all my family and old friends.

I called Mr. Meeuwsen right after I called Tommy Thibeaux to get my hysterical crying out. He said Bill was in a fire fight. Some soldiers were wounded. And Bill was there (I think he said they were trying to help) and he was shot and died instantly. No Pain.

I was shaking and my head was spinning. Kyle walked over to me and I collapsed in his arms. My tears haven't stopped. It's gotten better as the days pass, but I have those moments of disbelief filled with sorrow and pain.

I've thought about all the memories we shared in the last 6 years, I cherish memories that only him and I share and then I am saddened about the fact that no more new memories will be created. I miss his swirly tooth, his goofy sayings, his beautiful smile, I miss everything. I wondered why he got married when he did, I was hurt that he married someone he had only known for 6 months and I felt pushed to the side. But looking back I understand better. All he wanted to be was married and have a family. It puts a smile to my face knowing that he was happy with Lauren. I was and will always be apart of his family. He always told me I was welcome and so did his parents and sister, even though he was married.

I don't know why God called him home so soon, maybe Rusty and Reilly were missing him to much. I am so blessed to have had Bill in my life. He's given me more than he will ever know. I smile knowing that this world isn't permanent and can't wait to giggle with him in Heaven. I know the first thing I do when I see him will be to get a running start and jump on him and give him a huge hug. He's my tree.

Time will help the pain of the loss. But I will never forget him. He will always live in my heart as the "Legend of Bill" I will always hold dearly the love and memories we shared. I know he loved his family, friends, wife, and me.

Heros never die. Freedom isn't free. He loved being a soldier. He wanted to go to Iraq. He knew his duty. He was very brave. Although he didn't come back safely like he promised me less than 2 months ago, he's in a much better place.

If I knew all the pain that I would feel from knowing Bill for only 6 short years would bring...I would meet him all over again. I still remember the first thing he said to me "Do you have your knife?" I mean how can you resist that goofy grin. He's blessed my life as he's blessed everyone's life that has had the privilege to know him.

Bill...Where ever you are, I love you and I miss you. Monkey Boy misses you. Dakota can't wait to get some lovin when she meets you in Heaven. I'm sorry for the heartaches, I thank you for the joys you have brought me in life. One day maybe we can meet up in the cold place again....

Please pray for his family and friends, we are all having a very hard time with this huge loss.

William Benjamin Meeuwsen

Fubruary 10, 1981 to November 23, 2005